What Heaven Feels Like
by AsulNaRosa
Summary: A person goes somewhere special when they pass away. Of course, everyone knows this, but the question is: What does heaven feel like?


A/N: Hi guys! So this is the one-shot I promised before :3 This is not the alternate chapter, but it does have a somewhat happy ending? The alternate chapter is half-way done just so you guys know. This story is somehow related to my other story_ Moving On,_ and I assure you some people will give me the what the f-?s one this one. I'm sorry in advance if this story confuses you because I always wanted to write in present tense, unlike my usual style of past tense. Please do enjoy and have a happy new year!

A big thank you to my great editor, **veamgee**!

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Marimite or any of its characters. All belongs to Oyuki Konno.

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**What Heaven Feels Like**

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10:00 A.M_._, 28th of February

_Tokyo, _Japan

Musashino Complex Apartments

The seething sun hovers high above the city's horizon as its penetrating rays seep through the ivory white blinds, exposing the glimmer trail of dry tears; and tiny particles of dust is clearly visible, made possible by the sunlight, as they float aimlessly around the room.

Today is like any other day. Once again, I watch her struggle in her sleep as morning slowly creeps its way to man's consciousness. Her face is still as beautiful as ever; the same face I fell in love with when I was a young and, a little, naïve teenager. My heart holds a very deep love for her, so deep that it will shame the ocean's depth. Seemingly peaceful, her slumbering expression is an ethereal masterpiece; but I know deep down, she is being plagued by her darkest demon.

Me.

I'm the reason why she's crying in her sleep like that. Ever since what happened, I always have been the cause of her distress.

Silent tears continue to fall through her lidded eyes, just like steady streams during the calm of a storm. And for once, I notice them. Just the sight of it makes my heart sink.

I want to reach out to her, comfort her in any way. But even though I desperately want to, I know I just can't get what I want, what I need.

For everything's not the same anymore.

I could never hold, touch, and feel her the way I used to.

_For an eternity._

_xXXx_

10:36 A.M.

Finally she wakes up, although later than usual.

She misses work again. And sadly, this isn't the first time this has happened.

She used to be so utterly devoted, exceptionally dependable and strangely ambitious when it comes to her classes-just as she was with the rest of the world. But nowadays, it seems she has lost her interest. Her fierce competitiveness and vigor to be the best cease to exist.

With a light groan, I watch her unconsciously wipe her tears as she drags herself towards the bathroom, without as much as a glance at my direction.

I lower my head in somber disappointment. What am I even expecting?

That she would bless my soul by acknowledging my presence? Such foolishness I possess. For I, of all people, should know that…

Gone are the days where I could personally see her angelic features up close, where I could quietly whisper words of unspoken love solely meant for her, where I could fill the void of her tired eyes as she faintly smiles at me.

Maybe I shouldn't have given up on our love.

On you.

On us.

But I guess... I guess it's too late now.

_Isn't it?_

_xXXx_

11:00 A.M.

Sitting down in front of her vanity mirror, she mindlessly brushes her long, silky black locks with a vacant expression on her face.

Azure orbs that were once full of life are now a pair of glassy arid eyes, the depth of those pits was a never-ending abyss of darkness.

I slowly walk towards her yet she pays no heed; and as if in a trance, she continues to dully brush the tangled strands that once were soft and smooth by the touch.

Warily, I sit down beside her and as expected, it does nothing to change her passive demeanor.

Oh how badly I crave to reach out my hand so as to gently pry the brush away from her frail yet slender fingers, and just break her out of this miserable cycle she has put herself in. Plus, it practically gives me such an incredible excuse to caress her hands no matter how brief it would have been.

But I quickly retract and banish the thought before I could wholly touch her soft pale skin, fearing her scared reaction. And so I remained to watch her by the sidelines as she continues in repetitive motion, brushing her hair while staring blankly at her lonely reflection.

The silence is deafening and unbearable. And although still in denial, I know we've already hit a wall.

It takes every fiber of my soul to keep myself from encasing her in my arms. And I pray against all odds to be able to turn back the hands of time just so I could hold her hand like it's the most natural thing in the world, as simple as breathing air into my system.

Though in our case, it is unlikely to happen.

Warmth is the last thing she'll ever feel coming from my palms to the tip of my fingers.

I'm about to apologize to her for what has become of us though mostly of her; but before I could do so, she casually walks away, generally leaving me alone to sit on this empty chair; giving me no choice but to count her every step as she leaves me all by myself.

_I feel empty._

_xXXx_

11:25 A.M.

I at once cease my wandering when a familiar tune of the grand piano echoes throughout the apartment. Well actually it is only the keyboard; but still, the melodious sound that comes out of the instrument is flawless as ever.

Also, it's been awhile since she last played.

I stand motionless as my eyes close on its own accord, freely allowing the sweet melody to entice me. I listen attentively while trying to grasp the bare essence of her hidden emotions.

I could never have imagined that I'd be seeing what I am currently seeing at the moment. After all, Sachiko has never been the emotionally-open type.

Even being with me... She is a woman that could be very stubborn, reserved and independent— endearing traits that I have grown to love endlessly.

Nevertheless, it's that mysterious yet alluring aura that captivates me the most. Like a walking Rubik's Cube having infinite sides, patiently waiting to be solved. I yearn to be that very first person to step foot into her unfamiliar territory, to figure out how she works, to know her like the back of my hand and maybe one day, find the hidden treasure buried within.

And I do find it—a loving woman who bruises easily on the inside like anyone else; one that puts on various masks in order to protect herself from the harsh cruelties of the world. She also has many weaknesses, the exact opposite of her everyday façade.

With that discovery, my heart falls deeper within a spell man calls love. Looking back now, I realize that there are only a handful of instances in our life together where she unwillingly allows me to mend her broken spirit.

Back then, I let her cry on my shoulder. And right now, I surely wish I could do the same.

It surely doesn't help to be aware that I'm the reason of her misery.

With every stroke of the keys, I listen to the notes of her broken heart. And at the top of her lungs, she yells and let the whole world know of how she yearns for me through her gloriously controlled notes; her rhythm low but powerful like the grief that manifests itself inside of her like a leech, gradually reducing her to this petty shadow of her former self, just like me.

What has become of you, my love?

I know she's grieving…

_But so am I._

_xXXx_

11:46 A.M.

Just as we are about to lose ourselves along the spell-binding harmony, the phone suddenly rings. She abruptly stops playing the keyboard and gets up from her seat in order to answer the device.

Her footsteps echo in the empty room as she goes in the next one, where the phone is. But strangely enough, when she arrives at her destination, she doesn't pick it up.

_**"**__**I'm sorry; I'm not able to pick up your message right now. If you want, you can leave one after the beep."**_

_**BEEP.**_

"**Hey Sachiko-sama, Touko here…"**

I smile softly as my petite soeur's warm and soothing voice reach my ears.

"**I didn't get to see you at work today so I take it that you're sick? I'm really worried about you, you know. Please take care, okay? Remember, I'm only a phone call away and I'm right here if you need anything…"**

I miss Touko-chan terribly. It has been a long, long time since we last talked. Really, I feel so grateful towards her. She's the only one that is able to do the things I'm not capable of doing for the past couple of years. At least now I know there's someone out there who would take care of Sachiko in my place, and for that I'm eternally glad.

I'm genuinely delighted Touko-chan's been able to spend more time with Sachiko than me; she seems to be undeniably similar to her too in terms of their personalities, their family background, their professional-like mannerism, the facades they put up and their way of thinking.

How she looks at Sachiko in the Rose Mansion before I became her grand soeur… To be honest, I was envious of her during my high school years because at my point of view, they look really compatible with each other.

Because of that, I often wonder why Sachiko chose me instead of her own distant relative. Well, since Touko-chan seems like a more mature version of me-probably a better version of me in Sachiko's eyes.

It's blatantly obvious, although I thank her for making us grow closer than ever.

Sachiko…

The perfect embodiment of an earth nymph although grounded and a bit stiff, she possesses steadfast loyalty. One that is as solid as the mountains, serving as a pillar of strength that supports our very foundation… Not until _it_ happened.

_I am nowhere near like her._

_xXXx_

12:00 Noon

It is midday now and my beloved decides to take a nap for the meantime. Probably her way of trying to escape the inevitable hurt reality has downed upon her. And as what I apprehend, the inevitable tears soon follow after.

Although I shouldn't be surprised, I see my dark-colored sailor moon uniform along with some of my clothes neatly laid out right beside her on the bed, ready to be put in a box and shipped out to my family.

She asked for it years ago from Yuuki and my parents, wanting to take hold of it for safe-keeping. She kept it all these years just because she wants to hold me like she used to during our high school days.

It's time.

She's actually moving on. She's letting me go.

I feel relief wash over me but at the same time I couldn't help but feel dejection.

As much as I want her to cling onto what is left of us, I know full well that it isn't good for her to keep going like this. So I'm willing to let her move on even if it means living a dull and dreary existence full with many irreversible regrets.

I deserve it. I should've fought for her more.

_Gosh, my heart hurts._

_xXXx_

6:06 P.M.

It is early evening now when the buzz of the doorbell disrupts the silence of the room, promptly waking up the sleeping woman beside me. She opens her weary eyes and sighs at the discovery of her tears.

I think she's growing tired of crying over the same woman over and over again.

Ignoring the door, Sachiko only pulls the discarded blanket closer to her body as she feels a sudden chill hit her sensitive skin.

Regardless of her attempts to shut the sound out, the buzzing continues to resonate and it quickly irritates her.

She tosses the blankets aside in exasperation and stomps towards her apartment door, anxious to find out who dares to interrupt her depressing desolation.

Following her lead, I quietly trail behind her out of curiosity. And just as she widely opens the doors, I catch a glimpse of a figure who seems to look like Touko-chan. Oh wait! It is Touko-chan!

Had it been anyone else with the exception of Youko-sama and maybe the other rose sisters, I know she would've slammed the door in their face without so much of a second thought.

"Are you okay Sachiko-sama? You look sick", Touko-chan says with genuine concern as she is led inside, putting gently her palm on Oneesama's forehead.

"I'm okay." Sachiko replies lethargically, offering a weak smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I thought I'd surprise you with my company" Touko-chan answers with a warm smile causing me to smile as well. Why shouldn't I?

"Oh you surprised me alright" Sachiko said as she pats her cousin's hair. Touko brightens as she hugs Sachiko.

I envelope them both with my own hug and a tear rolls down my cheek. All I could think of is that…

_They can't feel me._

_xXXx_

"You know, Tooru-Ojisama was worrying like crazy when you didn't show up for work today. What have you been doing all day?" Touko-chan asks as she sits across Sachiko then begins sipping her warm Jasmine tea.

"I was putting Yumi's clothes away," Sachiko bluntly states, placing a plate of biscuits in front of the younger girl.

Touko-chan abruptly stops with what she is doing for a second to look at her, unsure of what to say.

After seriously going over her words to make sure it wouldn't upset the grief-stricken woman, the drilled-haired girl finally breaks the silence I've been unable to break.

"Why don't I help you out? You don't have to do this alone you know. And maybe after that we could go out and have a quick bite? My treat! It'll be fun~" she says in a playful and friendly manner.

Warmth.

So with a faint but genuine smile, she leaves with Touko-chan.

All I could think of as of the moment is that Touko-chan is exactly what Sachiko needs. And I'm grateful.

_I began healing her soul by doing nothing._

_xXXx_

Around 11:00 P.M.

Homebound, I seem to lose track of time when Sachiko's not around. Moments without her are too insignificant to note. This existence is now dedicated to her, and only her. Nothing else matters.

So it is a safe guess that it must've been around midnight until the two finally comes stumbling back into the apartment, with Touko-chan supporting an obviously wasted Sachiko.

I fume at the sight.

How could have Touko let her get wasted? Sachiko never ever gets drunk!

Due to my rage, I knock things over: a lamp, some books, anything that could get their attention and that could be heard past their booming footsteps. Unfortunately, they merely overlook my signs of frustration as nothing more than an incident caused by a strong gush of wind rushing in from a seemingly open window.

"I told you not to drink too much…" Touko-chan scolds her as she drags the half-conscious girl up towards her bedroom.

"I needed it…" I hear Sachiko mumble her reply.

"You don't need it."

"I need Yumi…" she says truthfully, the alcohol now eradicating all signs of her inhibition.

"I know." The younger one replies sadly before sighing and putting my clothes off the bed to lay the intoxicated woman down.

"What are you doing to Yumi's stuff?" Sachiko slurs in protest, trying so hard to get up but is instead being pulled down by overpowering vertigo.

"I'm packing it for you, Sachiko-sama."

"No… I'll do it myself…"

"Can you? You've been telling me you'll send these to her family for a while now…"

Sachiko stays silent, cuing Touko-chan to add unto her pervious statement.

"This isn't healthy. You don't think anybody notices what you've been doing to yourself, but I do. You need to let go…"

I see Touko-chan reach for her hand in consolation, providing her the comfort I could never have given.

Sachiko stays silent in agreement; Touko-chan is right.

Tonight, I witness her walls further crumble, allowing yet another soul to help her piece back the fragmented ones.

_I hate myself._

_xXXx_

8:27 A.M., 1st of March

Touko-chan's company has proven to be therapeutic for Sachiko had woken up with the absence of the familiar tears she has grown accustomed to.

Her gaze immediately falls upon the bedside table where her cell phone lay, contemplating on calling Touko-chan.

But instead, she stumbles up to unpack all of my clothes before laying them again on her bed, much to my unheard protests.

Not yet. She's still not ready to wake up from this dream.

One by one she folds them neatly and puts them back in her wardrobe. She stops when my school uniform catches her eye; or rather, her nose. I'm sure it smells of it, my favorite peach-scented perfume on my sailor moon uniform.

It isn't long until the tears came back, my anguish rising up a notch with every drop, disappointment running in me.

Desperately, I tell her stop with a loud voice. Though it comes out like a gentle whisper of the wind.

_"__Please stop doing this to yourself!"_

I raise a hand to caress her cheek, but as usual it passes through her flesh and out the other, leaving her with a chilly feeling rather than the comforting sensation of my non-existent palm.

I see her slightly shiver before resting her face on my uniform, completely oblivious of my presence.

This is all unfair; to her, to me, and to everyone else, especially to Touko—the first reason frustrating me more than the other two.

Why is she doing this to herself?

More importantly, why did _I_ do this to her?

"Yumi… I'm sorry." She clutches my uniform tighter in her hands, hoping to grasp the last traces of my physical remnants.

And just like that, my disappointment vanishes along with all the hopes of us moving on. We'll both suffer dearly for it but we can't bring ourselves to let go of each other just yet.

"I'm so sorry." She repeats and as if like a calling, I answered with my misty presence, flowing to her side like a gentle summer breeze.

"_Stop blaming yourself… It's not your fault…"_

It is mine.

It was my fault I let her see me like that; weak, pale, and hopeless atop a white hospital bed, barely clinging to fleeting life.

It was my fault I couldn't wake up; despite the tears and time you gave during then.

It was my fault I lost strength and will to hold unto life.

I gave in to temptation and I gave up on us.

It was my entire fault.

All mine…

This time, I speak as loudly and as clearly as I can, my voice just a feathery whisper although undeniably reaching her ears.

_"__**I'm sorry"**_

Suddenly, bright warm light shines brightly down from the sky upon us, brought forth by the declaration of an overdue apology.

"Yumi?"

She stares at my golden silhouette with wide eyes, feeling warmth return to my body as it solidifies from the translucent form.

Yes, she's staring at me now.

In disbelief, she dares reach out for my face, tears of joy welling in her eyes at the feel of my familiar warmth.

The warmth of her soul mate and one true love—Yumi.

Yes.

My warmth.

But before I can enjoy her exploring touch, I feel a nagging pull upwards, knowing someone else is waiting for me at the other side of the blinding light.

I remove her fingertips from my face to gingerly kiss them.

_"__I want you to live a long and happy life."_

With a somber smile, I begin to part with my other half, ready to ascend and answer a greater calling.

But she only holds on tighter saying "Stay please…" while looking up at me with pleading eyes.

I almost give in did I not hear the voice of reason:

_She needs to move on with her life._

_"__I can't… I'm sorry."_

It pains me to forcibly pry myself out of her hold.

But this…

This is selfless.

This is my sacrifice.

This is my love.

"I love you."

I say it because I act accordingly.

I didn't say it out of guilt.

I said it because I meant it.

"Yumi, don't leave me please…" she calls out with outstretched arms, desperately trying to keep me from leaving her a second time.

To her anguish, I didn't reach down to take them and so with streaming tears I ascend, never taking my eyes off her fading face, forever engraved in my memory until the next time I see her as the blinding light gradually engulfs my entire being…

_Till we meet again, my love_

_xXXx_

_Bright light._

Nothing but bright light consumes my vision. Then I feel heat, aggravating heat on my face.

_Hell?_

When my vision adjusts, I realize I'm in the Rose Mansion wearing my uniform. And with the sun beaming on my face, the familiar aroma of tea fills my senses.

Before a single thought could process through my head, someone taps me on the shoulder.

"It's good that you're awake now. I've been waiting for you here you know. I came for a visit from Lillian University, excited to see you. But when I went in, I certainly did not expect to find you alone sleeping with your head laid on your folded arms. Here, I made some tea." She said with a smile and a cup of Jasmine tea being held by her right hand.

_Sachiko?!_

At a loss for words, I just gawk at her, as if I'm going to find ancient ruins written on her forehead. Then she takes a seat beside me.

_Is this… Heaven?_

Sensing my weird behavior, she looks at me with intense eyes. "Were you crying Yumi?" she questions, genuinely surprised.

She runs the pad of her thumb across my cheek to them, and I couldn't help but lean into her touch.

_No… This is real._

"You can see me." I breathe out in relief, more to myself than to her, although she hears it loud and clear indicated by her chuckle.

"Of course I can see you. Are you sure you're alright, Yumi?"

I give her a soft smile. "I'm quite fine Onee-sama."

_Was it all a dream?_

"I still don't understand though…" I mumble.

"Don't understand what?"

"I think I just had one of those lucid dreams…"

"Well, I'm pretty sure all those entrance exams made your head a little bit heavy there, don't you think so?"

"Entrance exams?"

"Yes, entrance exams?" she starts with by imitating my tone of voice. "Honestly, did you hit your head somewhere?" she adds, taking my head into her hands to inspect every side of it.

I think she means entrance exams to college. I shake my head, still trying to wake my senses up along with the memories that went with them.

"But I died."

"Huh?"

"You were getting married. And, and I kind of got myself involved in a relationship with a guy, and, and then I died." Oh gosh, I could just die right now. I sound like a complete fool.

"Oh, you mean in your dreams, yes? I'm sorry, but did I murder you when I found out you were having an affair?"

I think she is thinking of her wedding with me. I pout at her playfulness yet she only smiles innocently at me.

"Is this your way of proposing to me, Yumi? By telling me a fabricated and morbid dream about your infidelity and premature death? I was kind of expecting something more romantic…" she further tease, feigning disappointment.

_She's not taking me seriously at all._

"Here, I'll show you how one could be romantic." she whispers gently before tilting my chin upwards with her fingertips; her soft lips descending unto mine. I feel her right hand encircling my hips while the other hand cups my face lovingly.

_She's breathing life into me._

I'm alive, but most importantly, she's alive. I smile into the kiss.

Reluctantly though, I pull away to look at her just to make sure.

She looks at me with twinkling eyes, not a trace of sorrow to be found.

This is real.

I closed my eyes and immersed myself with this blissful feeling, connecting our lips once again.

For a while, I lose myself in a trance until…

_'__Yumi, don't leave me please…'_

I snap my eyes open when I hear _her_ voice.

My beloved's voice.

I pull away from this Sachiko, young and lively. Too perfect.

"Did you hear that?" I ask her.

"Hear what?"

"You-somebody just called me…"

She gives me a weird look and I know she didn't utter those words as she had her lips pressed against mine the entire time.

"Are you sure all those tests and studying didn't do you more harm than good?" the woman in front of me laughs, reaching out and refolding the tie of my attire; just like the time we first met.

I lose myself to her caring gesture and she drives me to sweet eternity when she wraps her arms around me, turning the voice into nothing but a faint murmur in the back of my mind, nothing but a fading memory.

_'__Yumi come back…'_

I felt no hurt, no pain, no sadness as I snuggle closer to the woman I love.

I can stay in her arms like this forever. Her whispers of sweet nothings are lulling me deeper and deeper into a peaceful slumber.

_So this is what heaven feels like._

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**The End…**

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A/N: Please do not kill me with your keyboards (by smashing them on my head) I know some parts are really confusing because I think I mixed some tenses T.T AND that all of you just have this (O.o) face. Do review or comment on what your thoughts are about the story!

Just a reminder: The poll for M.O. will be closing on new year's day (not evening) so vote now if you still haven't voted!

Hope to hear from you soon,

AsulNaRosa


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